


or am I tricking myself nice?

by ABirdInFlight



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-02-01 01:07:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21306464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABirdInFlight/pseuds/ABirdInFlight
Summary: Set to be crowned Queen of Etheria and still reeling from the sudden disappearance of her mother, Glimmer finds she can't quite forget the feeling of magic. Shadow Weaver's magic, entwined with hers. Could she really be tempted by that kind of power? But then, how could she not? An exploration of what might lead Glimmer to be mentored by Shadow Weaver. Will likely be slightly canon divergent as of Season 4. NO SPOILERS.
Relationships: Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra), Glimmer & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 39





	or am I tricking myself nice?

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sitting on this fic idea since sesson three aired, but with season four literally days away, I figured I should go ahead and post it before the entire thing becomes totally AU. I have seen the sneak peek clips so I know this little plot bunny is likely to be slightly divergent, so I wanted to post it now. To those who follow my account for the Dumbledore fic, take heart- that will still be completed someday. Probably before I finish my dissertation. I hope.

Shadow Weaver had been imprisoned again.

That wasn’t really surprising. She might have helped them, sure, but she couldn’t be trusted. So maybe it didn’t quite feel right, and maybe it was a bit harder to keep someone locked up who had helped them, but it was definitely the right thing to do. They couldn’t risk letting her walk free, right?

Right. 

And it was definitely what her mom would have done. 

Glimmer sighed, staring up at the throne. The light shone through the glass window, the big metal chair gleaming. It was her throne now, and it seemed to call to her. “Come to me, it’s all right.”

But it wasn’t. It was never _ supposed _to be her throne at all. But Queen Angella was gone, King Micah was gone, and Glimmer- silly little Princess Glimmer- was all that was left. She clenched her hands into fists. The castle was thick and heavy with mourning, so why did this stupid throne look so...normal?

“Ugh...it’s not supposed to be me!” Glimmer yelled, stepping back. “How can you just...sit there all...shiny and bright and...and…”

The throne didn’t answer. Clouds didn’t cover the sky, the glass windows didn’t break. 

“I...I don’t know what to _ do _.”

Glimmer had never prepared for this. She’d just assumed her mom would always be there, powerful and immortal and irritating and- Glimmer swallowed around the lump in her throat. 

She turned away, rushing out of the much-too-empty room. This wasn’t _ right _. It wasn’t, it wasn’t, it wasn’t. Glimmer bit back tears and ran. 

She ran and ran, not knowing quite where she was going, quite where to run to. Bow and Adora were there, as always. Aunt Casta would stay in the castle as long as Glimmer wanted her there. Even the other princesses had agreed to stay until Glimmer was crowned. 

She didn’t want to see any of them. She ran on instead, ignoring her friends and aunt. She ran on ahead, right to the prison chambers, stopping abruptly in front of the door once she realized just where her feet had taken her. Glimmer leaned against the wall, panting to catch her breath. She glanced up, brows furrowed in confusion.

“Why am I even here?” she asked no one in particular. Was it because she’d been thinking about Shadow Weaver? Wondering if it was right to keep her here. One of the guards gave Glimmer a curious glance, but said nothing- they would never question her again. If she wanted to see the prisoner, that was entirely up to her now.

There was no one left to tell her no. 

Straightening her back, Glimmer stepped forward. Privately she had no idea what she was doing. It wasn’t like she’d decided to come here, exactly, but her feet had carried her here anyways. So maybe it was fine. Just one conversation wouldn’t hurt. Maybe it would be nice, even, talking to someone who wouldn’t look at her with pity. Someone who wasn’t sad. 

She stood as straight as she could, and told the guards, “I...want to speak with the prisoner. Now.”

They stood aside immediately as the door swung open. No questions asked. Glimmer stepped forward, wondering what the heck she’d been thinking. This was stupid, she should leave, she hadn’t even meant to come here at all. 

Shadow Weaver sat in the middle of her light prison, which She Ra had restored at Glimmer’s request. The older woman looked powerless again, her hair lank and unkempt. The mask she wore was still cracked down the middle, and she rested against the cushions like someone who didn’t care if she looked weak. Slowly, she glanced up. 

“Princess. You surprise me,” Shadow Weaver said, the eyes of her mask widening. 

“Yeah, well…” Glimmer trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck. She moved forward, sitting cross legged on the ground in front of the light ring. “Figured this was the only place where no one would bother me for a while. Don’t get used to it.”

Shadow Weaver studied her for a long moment. Glimmer shifted slightly. She felt exposed, suddenly. But she wasn’t about to show fear. She wasn’t really afraid anyway, not anymore. Not of Shadow Weaver. 

“It must be hard for you,” Shadow Weaver finally said. “I imagine they’re all expecting you to fail.”

“What? No they don’t!” Glimmer insisted, caught off guard. “My friends believe in me!” But Shadow Weaver only shook her head and made a small, sympathetic noise that Glimmer could tell was fake. She crossed her arms.

“Your friends might have faith in you, but do the rest of them?” Shadow Weaver gestured towards the windows. Her hand closed into a rather clawed fist. “You were never expected to be the ruler of Bright Moon, little Princess. They’re _ all _ bound to underestimate you.”

Glimmer kept her face resolutely blank, frowning at Shadow Weaver. But inside, she felt a small prickle of doubt. Shadow Weaver was right, hadn’t Glimmer just been thinking the same thing? It wasn’t supposed to be this way and everyone knew it. 

“But you and I both know your true power,” Shadow Weaver continued on, breaking Glimmer`s train of thought. Glimmer glanced downwards, hard gaze softening. 

“...I can’t do it by myself,” Glimmer said quietly. She hadn’t thought of that day much, hadn’t let herself because it hurt to remember...but if she did think long enough, she could remember that thrum of _ power _ every time she had taken Shadow Weaver’s hand. 

“You’re more powerful than you realize,” Shadow Weaver said. “You broke free from my prison on your own, you are the daughter of one of the most talented sorcerers Mystacor has ever seen.” Glimmer looked up again, frowning. Shadow Weaver met her gaze rather nonchalantly and tilted her head to the side. 

“You resemble him, you know. I can see it in your eyes.” Glimmer bit back a gasp and looked quickly away. This was stupid, she shouldn’t be showing this much weakness around _ Shadow Weaver _. She was evil. Evil didn’t change just because it had helped her once...didn’t it?

Adora had. 

“What...what was he like?” Glimmer asked, blinking quickly. Shadow Weaver did not seem to soften in the least, but something in the movement of her eyes was...different. Glimmer didn’t know what to think. 

“He was an eager student, and dedicated,” Shadow Weaver said, leaning forward slightly. “He was a fast learner. But he lacked patience. He was stubborn and disrespectful.”

“But you...still taught him yourself?”

“Of course. The others couldn’t see his talents like I could. They would never have let him unlock his _ true _potential.” 

Glimmer bit her lip. She didn’t want to ask, didn’t even want to think it...it was stupid and dangerous and her mom would never have allowed it. So she shouldn’t do it now that the Queen wasn’t there to tell her _ no _. But…

“You have that power too, Princess,” Shadow Weaver said, as if reading Glimmer’s thoughts. “I felt it in you.”

This was wrong. Glimmer knew it was wrong. But there was no one left. Well, except…

“What about Castaspella?” Glimmer asked. “Was she ever…?”

“I never trained her, no. She was too young at the time,” Shadow Weaver answered. “But from what I hear, she lacks raw power. Not like you.”

“Me,” Glimmer muttered, shaking her head. “All I can do is teleport, and…” she raised a fist, igniting the soft glow, “throw _ glitter _ at people.” 

“You can do much more than that,” Shadow Weaver said. “Perhaps I could teach you.”

Glimmer froze. Her heart pounded in her chest. The room seemed to shrink, until all Glimmer could see was the unreadable expression on Shadow Weaver’s mask. 

Shadow Weaver knew magic better than anyone, but Shadow Weaver lied better than anyone too. Glimmer shut her eyes. That thrill of power...it was humming in the room around them. She didn’t want to remember it, didn’t want to think about what it felt like to clasp hands and hold all that raw magical energy between them. But they’d crossed half a world together. They’d fought off the Horde with ease. Not even Catra had stood a chance.

Glimmer had never been able to teleport like that before, so quickly and smoothly. Shadow Weaver’s magic was dark, but it felt _ good _ . And Glimmer could remember too, her own power flowing into Shadow Weaver. She remembered that dark thrill at feeling her magic lifting Catra into the air, squeezing her tight, inflicting that _ pain _ ...it had hurt Glimmer too. But she’d felt the pleasure of it anyway. It was exciting, it was... _ intoxicating _.

She wanted to feel that again. 

But this was wrong. 

Glimmer stood. She’d been here long enough. Shadow Weaver didn’t say a word, only watched intently as Glimmer left the room.

* * *

“Hey, hey Glimmer!” called out a familiar voice. Glimmer turned, only to see Adora rushing towards her. Glimmer forced a smile on her face- she had only just left Shadow Weaver’s cell a moment ago, and she couldn’t exactly let Adora know that. 

“Heeeey,” Glimmer drawled out, trying to sound casual. “What’s up?”

“Oh, uh, nothing,” Adora said, slowing to a stop as she caught up with Glimmer. “I was just...you know, looking for you. You weren’t in your room.”

“Yeah, well, I just thought I’d take a walk,” Glimmer said. “Fresh air and stuff.”

“Right, yes! Fresh air is good!” Adora said, and she sounded _ much _too cheerful about it. Glimmer bit back a sigh of annoyance- this had been going on for weeks now. She rolled her eyes and continued onward. Adora, not getting the hint, followed. 

“So, uh...how....how’re you doing?” Adora asked, falling into step beside Glimmer. 

“I’m fine.”

“Right, um...good,” Adora stammered. “So I’ve been thinking you know, with all this...stuff going on, that maybe...we could use a break?”

“What do you mean, a break?” Glimmer asked, one eyebrow raised. She had a feeling she knew where this was going.

“A break! Like a...what are those things again where you go away for several days and…”

“A vacation?”

“Yes, that’s it!” Adora’s eyes lit up. “A vacation!” Glimmer groaned.

“Adora, I don’t _ need _ a vacation. I’m fine, really!”

“Yeah, but I just thought...you know, before the coronation...thingy...it might be good for you to...rest. A bit.” Adora finished awkwardly, looking both deeply uncomfortable and unfamiliar with all of the things she was saying. It was almost funny, and would have been had Adora not been walking on eggshells around Glimmer since she’d returned from the Horde.

“We could go to Mystacor!” Adora suggested, snapping her fingers. Glimmer froze. “You love Mystacor! The waves, the beach, the steam...thing…”

“Maybe another time,” Glimmer said, not meeting Adora’s eyes. “I don’t really want to be there right now, and I think my people need me to be here. So...rain check?”

“What?”

“Never mind,” Glimmer shook her head. “I’m going back to my room. See you later, Adora.”

With that, Glimmer vanished in a glow of sparkles, leaving Adora to stare blankly at the space she’d left behind.

Once back in her own room, Glimmer made a quick beeline for her bed. It was mid-afternoon, and mid-afternoon was not typically the time one might find Glimmer lying in bed. Unfortunately, this day officially _ sucked _, so why not? 

She had a lot to think about, anyway. 

Like Mystacor, for a start. Of course Adora would have suggested that as a getaway. It wouldn’t have been a bad idea if it weren’t the very place she’d just been talking about with the woman who’d trained her father.

Her father, who was dead. Just like her mother, who was probably dead too.

It hurt too much. Glimmer drew her knees up to her chin, staring blankly out the window. 

“Mystacor…” she murmured to herself. She shut her eyes and sighed. The thoughts in her head felt so jumbled up and tangled. If she reached too hard for one, it got lost among the rest. She couldn’t grasp them. Not through the soupy mess in her brain. 

Someone knocked on the door. 

“Glimmer! I know you’re in there, open up? Please?” 

Bow. Glimmer sat up slowly, and just as she was thinking about teleporting down, Bow slammed the door open. 

“Glimmer, are you okay? Adora just told me what happened,” he said. Glimmer flopped back onto the pillows with a groan. 

“So what? I don’t want to go to Mystacor,” Glimmer said, squinting up at the lights. “Why is that such a big deal? I need to be with my people right now, that’s all.”

“Come on Glimmer, we both know that’s not the real reason,” Bow said. Glimmer could practically hear him crossing his arms. She sighed. He knew her too well- she couldn’t hide anything from Bow. 

“I just...don’t really feel like traveling right now,” she said, sitting up enough to poke her head over the side of the bed. Bow stood beneath her, arms crossed, eyebrow raised. Just as she’d thought he’d be. 

“Glimmer…” Bow uncrossed his arms, and came just a bit closer. “I...can’t even imagine how hard this all is for you.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Bow,” she said with a frown, disappearing back over the edge of her bed. There was silence for a moment, and Glimmer almost thought maybe Bow had left. Until he spoke again. 

“Glimmer, I’m worried about you. We’re all worried about you.” 

She bit her lip and tried very hard to think about anything else.

“I’m fine,” she managed to say, and it _ almost _ didn’t sound like she was about to cry. 

“You’re not fine,” Bow insisted. “And that’s okay, nobody would be fine right now in your place! But you have to let people help you.” Glimmer bit her lip harder, but this time she failed to bite back the tears. 

“I can handle it,” she whispered, more to herself than to Bow, “I have to.” 

“Can’t you come down from there?” Glimmer sniffed and swiped at her eyes. She peeked back out over the edge, knowing that Bow would see her red eyes and know she wasn’t really okay. But she couldn’t ignore Bow. She never had.

“I just...I just don’t really feel like talking about it right now, okay?” she said, forcing a little smile. Bow’s gaze was full of nothing but concern, and she loved him for it. “I’m just not ready yet. But...I promise, I will when I am. Okay?”

He was still for a long moment. 

“Okay.” 

* * *

Several days passed, and try as she might, Glimmer couldn't get Shadow Weaver's offer to teach her magic out of her head. Figures, the only one who could really teach her anything useful was also the most unstable person on Etheria. And an ex-Horde officer. And a terrible person. She shouldn't even be considering it. 

But as far as Glimmer could tell, the offer was genuine and Shadow Weaver had still made no move to escape, because when Adora came to her with a troubled look on her face and a plea to talk, Glimmer had relented.

“Is it Shadow Weaver?” she asked, sitting beside Adora in her bedroom. Adora nodded.

“Yeah...I uh, I went to see her again,” Adora said, fiddling with a bit of fluff poking out of one of the cushions. 

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just...I wanted to know why she’d helped you guys.” 

“Oh,” Glimmer glanced away, towards her hands. “Adora…”

“No, I get it,” Adora said. “You had no choice, not when Hordak was going to open the portal...I just don’t get why _ she _ helped you.” 

“Well...what did she say?” Glimmer was genuinely curious.

“That’s the weird thing..." Adora said. “She said she had no intention of leaving Bright Moon.” 

“Hmm,” Glimmer hummed, internally panicking a little. Had Shadow Weaver said anything to Adora? “Well, I guess she can’t go back to the Horde, can she?” 

“No,” Adora agreed, seeming to not notice that Glimmer’s voice had jumped an octave. 

“So...what else happened?” 

“Not much,” Adora admitted with a shrug. “That’s what’s so weird. Shadow Weaver always has an ulterior motive, a plan or...something. I’ve never known her to just...sit around.” 

“Did, uh...did she tell you why she was helping us?”

“She just said that she wanted revenge on Hordak. Also she kind of wants to start gardening now? That one’s new...”

“Gardening?” Glimmer blinked. That _ was _ new. “Well...that’s weird.”

“Yeah. Really weird,” Adora said, picking at the pillow again. Glimmer bit back the urge to tell Adora the truth- she hadn’t forgotten, in all of this, that Shadow Weaver raised Adora, and privately she felt a little flicker of guilt. She hadn't told Adora about Shadow Weaver's offer. Was she being a bad friend?

She thought again of that power. Shadow Weaver’s power. 

“It’s fine,” Adora said suddenly, interrupting Glimmer’s thoughts. “I’m over it. I don’t need her anymore.” 

“Adora…?”

“Really, it’s okay Glimmer,” Adora said, softening slightly. “I know what she was, and what she did to me...and to Catra.” Adora frowned, and Glimmer couldn’t help thinking of their enemy. And again, Shadow Weaver’s power, this time used to hurt someone, draining her energy…and she remembered Catra’s voice, too.

_ Did you even care? _

“Catra made her choice,” Glimmer said quietly. Adora looked up, puzzled.

“What do you mean?”

“When we were coming to save you...we ran into Catra,” Glimmer explained. “Before she set off the portal. Shadow Weaver...she offered for Catra to join us. But she didn’t.” Glimmer shifted uncomfortably, because what happened next was...confusing. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, she said something like...’join us or get out of the way.’ And then Catra tried to attack us,” Glimmer said.

“Sounds like Catra. Doesn’t sound like Shadow Weaver, though.” Glimmer shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Maybe...I mean, maybe you were right. Maybe she’s not...all bad. Deep down.” Adora gave Glimmer a thoughtful look. 

“I’m not trying to justify what she did!” Glimmer exclaimed suddenly. “Just that...you know, maybe you had a point that people can change. At least she’s on our side now, right?” 

“Yeah...I guess.” 

She guessed.

So did Glimmer.

* * *

The Horde, unfortunately, did not seem to think it was necessary to wait for Glimmer’s coronation before they attacked Elberon again.

They were getting stronger every day. Catra was sending more and more bots to terrorize the villagers. She Ra did her best, Bow was as brilliant as ever, and Glimmer…

Maybe her powers were a little stronger now. Maybe she could move a little faster, hit a little harder. Maybe the eye of the bot she’d destroyed didn’t need to be torn into _ that _ many pieces. 

The villagers still fled anyways, crying and screaming in fear. The bots still overran the place, raining fire down on the natives who’d done nothing to deserve it. Glimmer fought as hard as she could. So did She Ra, so did Bow, so did the entire Princess Alliance.

They fought them off, sent them packing with one final swing of Glimmer’s staff and She Ra’s sword. The last bot fell, the last tank retreated. Adora jumped in the air with a loud “woo hoo!” Bow cheered. Glimmer turned back and looked at the destruction behind her.

They’d fought the Horde off. They’d saved the village. But all Glimmer could see were the burned-down homes of the people she was supposed to protect. Ashes covered the farm fields, choking the life out of the crops. Straw huts were ruined, farming equipment melted and twisted into weird shapes by the blasts of the bots’ lasers. Glimmer had never noticed it before.

She caught the frightened eye of a little girl peeking out from behind the wooden beam of a fallen roof. And then the little girl looked right past her, to She Ra, and smiled. 

Glimmer’s heart sank, and so did she as a wave of dizziness brought her crashing to the ground.

* * *

Glimmer stood beneath the moonstone, staring up at it as she watched the colors gleam and glisten. It seemed dimmer, somehow. It still shone brightly, but it used to be _ brighter, _ and that was the important thing. Glimmer could tell- it was like the moonstone knew it’s true user was missing. 

Glimmer was a poor substitute for her mother. 

“I bet she never had to recharge like me,” Glimmer said to the stone, looking up at it. Could she even keep it alive by herself? “I know I need to be stronger.”

That was the real problem. Glimmer knew it, and she knew she had to focus on it. She had to do what her mother would have wanted, and her mother would have wanted her to carry on and lead the rebellion in her place. 

Glimmer shut her eyes, trying not to think too much about that. She couldn’t lead if she was crying all the time. She couldn’t get stronger if all she wanted was her mom back. And she _ did _ , she wanted her mom so much it ached. She just wanted one more hug, one more chance to say _ I love you _. 

But that wasn’t going to happen. Queen Angella was trapped between dimensions, most likely dead, and there was no one left but Glimmer to protect Bright Moon. No one but Glimmer to stand between her people and destruction by the Horde. So she had to be stronger than this. She couldn’t lead her people into battle and need to _ recharge _ every time she used her powers!

“What do I do?” Glimmer moaned in frustration. “Tell me what to do!” The moonstone, of course, did not answer. It only glittered brightly in the sun.

“Ugh,” Glimmer sank to her knees. “This is hopeless. How can I fight off an entire army? Even with She Ra and the other princesses…I mean look what happened in Elderon...”

She lay back on the ground, arms spread wide as she stared up at the moonstone. For a while she was still, trying to quiet the thoughts in her head.

She thought of Shadow Weaver.

Glimmer shut her eyes, picturing it again. Shadow Weaver’s hand in hers, the feeling of their power intertwined. She remembered blasting aside Horde soldiers like they were paper, teleporting circles around Catra with ease, bending pipes and metal out of the way in Hordak’s inner sanctum like it was nothing.

She hadn’t quite been able to tell where her magic began and Shadow Weaver’s ended. It had been...intimate, in a way. 

Glimmer groaned, resting one arm across her face. This was _ stupid _ , she couldn’t trust Shadow Weaver! She shouldn’t feel this way, shouldn’t _ want _ this at all. But she needed it, didn’t she? She needed that power. 

Shadow Weaver’s offer to teach her rang in her head. It was an obvious solution. 

Glimmer sat back up, considering her options. She could do nothing. She could keep going the way she had been, letting Adora lead the charge in battle and trusting that She Ra could handle everything. They could keep fighting off the bots. Her people could suffer.

Maybe she could find someone else to help her better access her runestone. The other princesses, perhaps, or even Adora herself. 

She could try to learn spellcasting. Aunt Casta might try to teach her, if she begged long enough. Maybe. 

Or she could talk to Shadow Weaver, who could do both. Shadow Weaver knew how to access a runestone and how to spellcast. She definitely knew more about runestones than Adora. She was a much better sorcerer than Aunt Casta was, it didn’t take a genius to see that. 

And she had taught Glimmer’s father.

Micah must have liked her back then, or he wouldn’t have let her teach him, right? Glimmer could barely remember her father, but he’d been a good king...a wise king. And smart, and strong, and good. And he was powerful, Glimmer remembered that too. 

Shadow Weaver couldn’t have been that bad of a teacher then, if her father had been so good. Glimmer glared up at the moonstone.

“I know it’s a bad plan, but what choice do I have? She can teach me things _ you _ can’t!” She pointed a finger accusingly, before dropping it. “There’s nothing wrong with that, right?”

She needed that power. For Bright Moon. It was all to protect Bright Moon and stop the Horde. There was nothing wrong about that. She remembered the eyes of that little girl, looking to She Ra, looking away from the Queen who couldn't save her home. Glimmer stood, her mind made up.

The very next moment Glimmer materialized in Shadow Weaver’s cell. The older woman sat up in her seat, eyeing Glimmer with what could only be described as anticipation. Glimmer stepped forward, determined not to lose her nerve.

“You said you wanted to teach me. I’m in.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Glimmer is a good person at heart, but there's no way to deny her ruthless side, and the side of her that blatantly wants power. Plus, on top of grieving and having all the pressure in the world on her shoulders...can't blame her for making poor choices. There is possibility for this fic (and Shadow Weaver and Glimmer's relationship) to be expanded upon, but certainly not before we see season four. It's gonna be a wild ride!
> 
> (the title of this fic is a bastille lyric. I'm not creative.)


End file.
